He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
