I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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