Sry I called you an 8
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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