I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
