The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
