Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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