Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
3pm strippers are depressing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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