highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I said "one day" and that day is not today
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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