i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
