Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
