i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
