We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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