My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
