dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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