Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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