I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
