I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
