One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
