Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
