Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
