You work out of a Hotel?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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