he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
