it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
