I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
