If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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