he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
