basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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