morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry my hands just texted you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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