I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
