So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
