this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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