I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
