just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
