and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it hurts more in the daytime
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
