Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
