That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
