Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
