Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
