I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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