Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
