I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
