literally had 100 drinks last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
