i think my tv is drunk
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
