you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
