and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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