hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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