i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
