Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize