Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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