once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
