She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
