I faked an abortion last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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