you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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