I'm gonna have a badass scar
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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