Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
