i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
