True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
