Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
