he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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