just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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