saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize