We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
