absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
