He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
