So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
