sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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